Oh, l’amour…
by Raluca Berbecaru
OH L’AMOUR
The body language of love
Since February is the month an ever increasing number of people celebrate St. Valentine’s Day, I thought that it would be a good idea to talk about love and, more precisely, about the language of luuuurv (that’s just a nice way to say “love, by the way). If “the heart has reasons that reason does not understand” (Jacques Begnine Bossuel), we can also say that love speaks a language that the natural languages do not understand. But let’s be more specific!
As a guy, what would you say or do if a beautiful girl walked up to you, looked deep into your eyes for a few seconds, smiled and then asked for the time? No, I mean, really do you think that she would only want this piece of information? Because if you are a straight guy and you only give her the time of day and then you walk away, this means that you are either taken or she’s not your type.
Ok, now here’s some food for thought for you, girls. If a handsome guy walks up to you slowly, keeps his eyes on you and says: “Excuse me, do you know where I can find a post-office around here?”, do you think he is desperate to find a post-office? Well, I hate to tell you this but you really should learn some body language tips. Think about it! He is smiling openly and approaching slowly with his head tilted…so? Did you get it?
In matters like love, body language can make the difference. According to Susan Quilliam, an open smile or a deep look into someone’s eyes are clear signs that he/she is interested. Of course, there can be no rules. For example it is said that crossed arms are a sign of tenseness and closed-inness, but what if the poor girl is just freezing cold? And let’s destroy some more “myths” connected to this issue. Many people think that keeping your legs crossed means someone is not interested, but I have to tell you it is just more comfortable to sit this way. If you are not sure how to interpret “crossed legs”, just take a look at the toes, which tend to react to general body energy. So if someone’s feeling bored, the toes may just stay still, while they tend to make little circles or bounce if they are feeling excited or energetic.
It is also very important to notice the way in which someone talks to you. The way in which your name, for instance, is said, has all sorts of meanings that are easy to pick up. Listen to the tone of voice. Is it bored or weary? Is it thoughtful and quiet? Is it enthused and interested? If you are interested in someone, you start to naturally speak like him/her, using the same tone of voice, the same loudness/softness and even the same speech patterns.
Our use and reading of body language is unconscious. Usually we should let our intuition guide us (also, a careful observation of individuals might help). According to experts, our non-verbal language communicates about 50% of what we really mean, while voice tonality contributes 38%. There are cases in which what we say represents the exact opposite of what we “symbolise” by our body posture, movements and positions. Sometimes we are unaware of how “loudly” we communicate with our body.
Pay attention to details – is the key. Dilated eyes show your excitement. You wouldn’t believe the number of ways that women have either painted their eyes or ingested pupil-dilated herbs in order to get their eyes to look big and sexy.
Biting your lip or running your tongue along your lip is a clear sign that you are drawn to the person next to you, but do not do it unless you are sure that it looks natural on you. Playing with your hair is a sign of flirting, but note that twirling your hair anxiously is more of a sign of boredom and distraction. An accelerated breathing, a reddish hew in your checks, a low voice, and a gentle smile – are the easiest things to detect and interpret.
We should have all these things in mind when making flirt-attempts. In the Victorian society women used to wear their hair combed in some special way to show that they are married. In India women only wear saris after the wedding. Unfortunately, in the western societies it is not as obvious who is available and who is not (since let’s admit that a wedding-ring can be easily “removed” when necessary) – so, after all, being aware of some body language signs can help us avoid being put in awkward or ridiculous situations.
Also look for the “negative” signs – a spastic cough, eyes that are wandering around the room, an impatient laugh, too long a break between sentences, a body that turns a little bit to avoid eye-contact – all these should make you give up. Remember that there is a time and a place for everything, so, when it comes to love and flirting, the atmosphere plays a very important role.
Being able to “read” your partner, to detect his/her irritability, sadness, anxiety, sharing his/her state can deepen your relationship and allow you to offer him/her the support that is needed. Human emotions are visible in your internal and external reactions (no wonder we talk about butterflies in the stomach, waves of rage, heart-breaking).
When you think about your relationship and you feel like your body is getting heavier or you feel sleepy, these may indicate that you are a little bit depressed when you think about it and perhaps your relationship is getting through a phase of boredom. If your eyes are itching and you choke this means that you feel like crying because you are unhappy with some aspects of your relationship. On the contrary, if you feel energetic and excited when thinking about it, your relationship stimulates you and makes you happy.
The entire future of a relationship can depend on the way you can interpret some “signs”. In no other aspect of the human life does the body play such an important role. When in love, we “speak” more without using words, because, after all, “you say it best, when you say nothing at all” (Ronan Keating).